Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Jeremy and I always joke that one day, far in the misty future, we will have a big fight about religion. Me feeling generally positive about the subject and him not so much. Now that we have a baby, I feel the fight is much closer. But before I can argue it out with Jeremy, a fine arguer himself, I have to puzzle out how I feel on the subject. You may not know this (except you, Genny), but I used to be very religious. Highly Christian, in fact. Unbeknownst to me, at the time, I was also mentally ill, so I am reluctant to trust the authenticity of many of my feelings from that time. Does that make sense? I'm unsure which parts of my faith were authentic and which parts were misguided brain chemicals. But this weekend, I decided to at least start actively pondering the questions, if not struggling with the answers just yet. I have very definite ideas of what Christianity doesn't look like, but what does it look like, in real life, in these modern times?
I've been pondering similar questions about parenthood and adulthoodand come up with the answers that they look remarkably like my present life. I wonder if Jesus will be so easily assimilated into my largely domestic existence. That's my problem. I *like* my life now. So much has changed so recently. And some old things, too. How far can I be trusted with religion? Which feelings are mine? Which voices are to be listened to?

1 comment:

Genny said...

I am not a big fan of religion though I do have that spiritual, bigger-picture side to me. I think religion gets so messy and intolerant and it really is splitting hairs in a lot of ways.
but I hope you get some good thinking in and figure out answers to some of those questions.
yes, i fondly remember the bible days of Jenny. Good times.