Bleah.

I hate winter. The cold. The wet. Yuck. And Jeremy hopes we can move north for even more winter. Well, we'll deal with that when we get accepted somewhere fabulous. Or we'll go somewhere less fabulous down here. If anybody happens to have a famous professor uncle in a great doctoral program in English and you're okay with my pimping out your connection, just let me know. So there's that. An the house is a mess and my inlaws are visiting right after Christmas and there's. Just. No. Time. But Jeremy is off of work (thank you academia!) until next year, so maybe we can get it done. We've been going through the house today getting rid of books a) so I can have my own shelf of crafty and cooky books right next to the bed where I can use them and b) so we can take them to this fabulous bookstore in Chattanooga called McKay for credit. Also, we are trying to wean Lily as she now has four teeth and is something of a biter. Ouch for Mama. But we have a high chair and are making more a production out of meals and trying to set up a better schedule. Striving hard to move forward into the grown up world. But it's cold and it's wet and it's winter and I get discouraged. My nipples hurt and my clothes don't fit right and it's almost Christmas and I was going to make everything but there's not enough time. Waaaah, Ricky, I wanna be in the show. On the good news, we're going to visit my parents in two weeks for an entire weekend of cookie making for the holidays. I'm getting more hours at work and getting better as a knitting teacher, though each day seems to have it's own humiliations. But I am improving and my wonderful boss seems to have confidence in me. And the extra money is unarguably nice to have around. Lily has repeatedly said a word that sounds like "kitty" when the cat is around, so I'm putting it down as her first word, whatever they all say about me. So there's good stuff and there's bad stuff. Most days the good outweighs the bad, or at least makes me not mind the bad so much. Merry Effing Christmas.

Stuff

I just started knitting the fabulous boobie scarf from the fall surprise on knitty.com. Remember to do your monthly self check, everybody. I tried to read the news on the internet yesterday but it was all about the chief justice having cancer, which just reminds me of the possibility that Bush could win which upsets me, so instead I knit on my boobie scarf. I'm making different colored boobies. (if you must know, burgundy purple, medium teal and burned orange on dark lime green. it's delicious.)I'm seeing so many Kerry stickers that I'm really very optimistic, but I'm an optimist with a very dark side. Plus, this is not my best time of year anyway. (My dad died 23 years ago Monday.) So for right now I'm keeping my head down and sending out my prayers and positive energies when I have them. Other than that, I'm happy and the family is doing okay. I love my job and Lily is aggressively healthy and normal. She finally meets Uncle Brandon on Thursday night.

Van Culture

So we got this 1994 green Ford Econoline van from my Dad for $100. Thanks, Dad. It's great. Unlike our other car it has both air conditioning and room for our baby seat. Not to mention room for changing the baby and feeding her. And it has it's own trash can so it stays much less cluttered than our usual transportation does. And we have enjoyed taking it on the small road trips we've gone on so far adn we look forward to other road trips, but last night we discovered a higher purpose for the van.

We went to the drive in.

It was dark when we arrived, but it seemed that everyone had vans. I sat on the floor and watched the movie and knitted and then when the baby cired, sat on the floor with the baby and watched the movie. (Sky Captain, not bad.) No one was bothered by outr disuptive child. I could breastfeed and annoy no one. We could adjust the sound level by turning up our radio and then, when the second feature came on, we could change the radio station and look at the next screen over and watch shrek 2 until it was time to go home. Heaven.

We're going again on Thursday (my birthday) to see Hero and the rest of Shrek 2. yay!!

Baby Update

We took Lily to her first movie tonight. We saw Raiders of the Lost Ark at the Fox Theatre downtown. It's a beautiful restored movie theatre and they show a WB cartoon before the feature. What's not to love? Lily was pretty well behaved and did not cause a scene. We're going to try the drive-in next.

Netflix still totally rocks. It gives you the simulated thrill of having a life without all the work involved in leaving the house. Today we saw Cosi, an Australian comedy starring a young Faramir, as well as Toni Collette, Rachel griffiths and the delightful Barry Otto. Tomorrow, we're having a bogart double feature with the Maltese Falcon and Casablanca.

I finished another hat for Christmas, and not counting the one that doesn't fit Lily, this makes two. So I am way ahead. Yay me! It's a socks and hats kind of Christmas, except for those of you that live in the desert regions of the country. Guess I'll actually have to buy you guys stuff. And learn to make socks. But that's another post.

Haven't had too much free time lately, so my story is languishing. But I've gotten lots of thinking about it done. Lots of ideas for directions in which to take it. I've begun to pretentiously call it my first novel. I refer to it as "what I am pretentiously calling my first novel." That's lame, isn't it? Thought so. Must stop doing that.

The big news around here is that we're thinking of getting a van from my dad. he's selling it cheap and we could use a second car. We're in the market for a new first car, but that's a different post. I'm really excited about the van. It's got AC and a backseat that the carseat will fit in. And lo, the room it has to tote stuff. And lo the stuff laying around the house needing to be toted out of it. If I can just learn to drive a bigass van around the narrow streets here.

To update my image, I got a haircut, and eyebrow wax and a skin care regime. And now I must go attend to my crying child.

Writing

I just mailed off my first REAL short story to the writing group. And my parents. Except that the ending is totally undone. And not much happens. But I think it's going well. My characters are becoming more defined and clear to me. And I was able to work knitting in, so rock for me! And I got Jeremy to read it and it wasn't a totally emotionally wrecking experience. So, in four years of being together we've learned a thing or two. Yay.

Since my last post, we have moved into a new house. It's maybe a tiny bit smaller than the old house, but with better closet space. And more light. If we can just get the boxes out we'll be doing just fine. And we're closer in to town and right on the MARTA line. And, though I may not yet have told Jeremy, I signed us up to host a party for the writing group next weekend.

And netflix totally rocks!

 

My New Image

A lot of heavy stuff going on in the world lately, but I feel like being frivolous. So here goes...

So I'm taking stock of my life lately and seeing what it all adds up to. Breastfeeding, check. Breastfeeding in public places and in front of every male in my family, check. Obsession with knitting in particular and handmaking things in general, check. No makeup and not even a bra unless I'm going somewhere, check. Apparently, I have some granola tendencies. Was I always like this? I guess so. It's just more pronounced now. So I'm trying to punk up my life a little. Show that I still know from style and am more than just your average stay at home mom. But what can I do? Pink dye would only cover up the grey hairs of which I am inexplicably proud. A tattoo is an awfully big step. And for that matter, a tattoo of what? If only they had polls on blogger... Well, I'm taking submissions. My favorite idea is just to get a tattoo of the word "tattoo." Wanna see my tattoo? You get the joke. *I* think it's a funny one. Anyway... yes, I understand what a unique snowflake slash space monkey I am. I just want to tweak my image a little. I just don't know where to start. It's weird. I'm happier than I've ever been. I love my husband. I have a beautiful, happy baby who is (thank you, Jesus) healthy. And she sleeps through the night, too. I just figure... I went through 22 hours of labor AND a c-section and have embraced the resulting adult lifestyle that the aftermath required. I just want a physical outward sign that says I acknowledge all that, and I'm not dead yet, either.

And smoking is out. it's been almost a year since my last cigarette. I can no longer take the guilt with the littering, the harm it causes my body, as another person now depends on it for transportation, hygeine and food. Not to mention the smell on my clothes. And my knitting. Yuck! Stinky knitting. Good thing I quit when I did. But I SO miss it. Like I miss sleeping in positions that deny Lily immediate access to my boobs. There are just things I can not do anymore. So I want to explore those routes that are still open to me. Speaking of that, if you can't donate blood after you get a tattoo, what's the rule on breastfeeding and tattoos? There's a question for the La Leche League. tattoos are probably out. I guess part of being an adult is just learning that it might just be enough for me to be me. As soon as I find out where they sell the pink hair dye near my house.

My new project.

I'm obsessed with knitting. More about obsessions in general, at a later date. But currently, knitting is my thing. I hang out with knittiers, I knit at work when I can and I talk about knitting. to my husband, who know nothing about knitting and several other non knitting friends. I'm considering joining the knitting guild so I can enroll in their master knitter program. Say Master Knitter a couple times. It's fun. So, yeah. Knitting. But tonight, I think I may have gone too far. Tonight, I started plotting out my very own knitting murder mystery. It's a natural extension for me. I have this huge background in books and I love murder mysteries. My parents write murder mysteries and murder mysteries routinely take place inside a small community, not unlike the local knitting community. And they (not my parents) write murder mysteries about freaking talking corgis, so why the eff not a murder mystery with knitting. (And NO, no one will be stabbed with knitting needles) if anyone thinks of a good title, I'm open to suggestion. I know there's one out there, I'm just not there yet. Anyway, it's my first book and Tuesday night I'm going to a writing group with my new friend Mary, so I'm glad that I now have a project to discuss.

In other knitting news, I reached and passed the halfway point on my baby blanket, which is cool. it's all downhill from here. Did I mention that I'm not buying any more yarn until I finish my two prjects I've got going now? I really mean it. And I'm taking orders for knitted goods for Christmas. Anyone who wants a Harry Potter scarf (in your choice of house colors) should speak now. And I've sorted out my next four or so projects. Which I will not ennumerate and describe here, because I have mercy on you and restraint for myself. Sigh.

In other dork news, I watched most of all three LOTR movies yesterday. And then today, I had lunch with Mary and we walked around and talked about things we want to make. What fun!! AND we got to listen to This American Life which was all about profanity and (as usual) fascinating.

Baby news. Lily came through her first round of shots like a champ. I did not break down and cry. I count the day a success. Baby tylenol is a wonderful product.

And, preliminarily, it looks like the Lakers are losing the Finals which does my husband's Knick loving heart good. Though I can't help but feel sad for Karl Malone. I'm not the best sports fan. I lack the killer instinct. At least as far as sports are concerned.

It's like this. Generally, I have no use for celebrity, but deep in my heart, I lust after it. Intellectually, I can coolly disdain the cult of personality that is our nation's adoration of a few blessed, beautiful morons. But put me in a doctor's office and I snatch up the nearest People magazine. And every day, like a robot, I read the celebrity news and gossip page at IMDB. Anyway, famous people, I can take em or leave em, though I tend to embarrass myself and my husband in front of them. But there are some famous people who get on my nerves more than others.

Like Oprah. Daytime television is a big part of my new mother lifestyle. I used to have work and napping to fill up those endless sunshiny hours, now I have talk shows. And who would a talk show junkie be without Oprah. Oprah, who maintains that she's just a normal girl at heart who likes to save a buck here and there. Oprah who has John Travolta give her her 50th birthday toast. Normal girl my aunt fannie. And then today, on Oprah, they're doing cute redecoration things, and one of them requires re-making a coffee table. With plywood. And Oprah asks, "Where do you buy plywood?" Maybe she was just trying to get in an extra plug for the sponsor of the hour, Home Depot. But she looked really dumb. And fake. She's the most powerful woman in the country and she doesn't know where to buy plywood. She doesn't have people to tell her how this looks? And let's not forget that the reason she recommended The Heart is a Lonely Hunter to people is that it was Julia Roberts' favorite book. Don't get me wrong, if I needed advice on how to steal someone's husband, Julia would be up there, but literature? Call me elitist, but she's not high on my list of people who know from books.

Jenny's Rule of Celebrity #1
Know how it looks.

Another celebrity who gets on my nerves is Gwyneth Paltrow, but this needs some backstory. I spent an embarrassing number of years obsessed with a rock band you've never heard of (unless you've heard me mention them. In this case, my apologies.). I was eaten up with the desire to be up there in the middle of that. All that fun and style and inside jokes. To hang out with the cool kids, and what's cooler than rockstars? Anyway... here comes Gwyneth Paltrow, daughter of famous people, Oscar winner, no bigger than a minute and she's the love of this internationally famous musician who doesn't suck (if he sucked, even a little, it would be more forgivable). And THEN, she gets knocked up. And there is no scene. Just a quick, quiet wedding and some fucked up baby namage. This is upsetting a) because now we'll probably have to wade through Apple's movie career, too. And b) Mainly because it proves that to have that perfectlife with the happy family and the rockstar boyfriend, you have to BE Gwyneth Paltrow. Not to mention how she LOOKED while pregnant. Let's not go there.

Jenny's Rule of Celebrity #2
Don't rub it in. It hurts when you rub it in.

Jeremy and I always joke that one day, far in the misty future, we will have a big fight about religion. Me feeling generally positive about the subject and him not so much. Now that we have a baby, I feel the fight is much closer. But before I can argue it out with Jeremy, a fine arguer himself, I have to puzzle out how I feel on the subject. You may not know this (except you, Genny), but I used to be very religious. Highly Christian, in fact. Unbeknownst to me, at the time, I was also mentally ill, so I am reluctant to trust the authenticity of many of my feelings from that time. Does that make sense? I'm unsure which parts of my faith were authentic and which parts were misguided brain chemicals. But this weekend, I decided to at least start actively pondering the questions, if not struggling with the answers just yet. I have very definite ideas of what Christianity doesn't look like, but what does it look like, in real life, in these modern times?
I've been pondering similar questions about parenthood and adulthoodand come up with the answers that they look remarkably like my present life. I wonder if Jesus will be so easily assimilated into my largely domestic existence. That's my problem. I *like* my life now. So much has changed so recently. And some old things, too. How far can I be trusted with religion? Which feelings are mine? Which voices are to be listened to?

First of all, I hate talking about my dreams. I find it this totally masturbatory exercise, AND it's bad storytelling to boot. And, let's face it, no one really cares what's happening in your subconscious. This is my pet peeve. Well, one of a few. That being said, I have this recurring dream. I'm running, but not getting anywhere. I'm running and running and running and it's like I'm in slow motion. Having the said dream pet peeve, I'm not much in to the meanings of dreams, but I've never had a recurring dream image like this. I suppose it has something to do with the frustrations of new parenthood and all the adult things I'm facing lately. I just thought I'd mention this as a way to get out of the baby poop and breast milk direction that this blog has taken so far.

I got the main color of my yarn for the bag I am making. It's a bright orange by brown sheep. it's a beautiful wool mohair blend and the yarn is shiny. I adore it. As soon as they get the rest of the yarn in at the shop I'm going to pick out a contrasting color for the stitching and the pocket. I'm taking suggestions for something to go with bright orange.

I'm also working on a ball of yarn made from cut up grocery bags. In the new issue of ready made magazine they make a quilted fabric out of folded up grocery bags and make it into a handbag and a messenger bag, so now I'm obsessed with making something out of plastic grocery bags. if you know where to find plastic grocery bags in colors other than white and walmart, I'm taking grocery bag donations. Eventually, I'll try to knit something up with my grocery bag "yarn," but I'm just building up a stash of it right now.

Lily smiled at me yesterday for the first time. Totally amazing. I almost cried. It lasted like two seconds and is among the top five moments in my life.

Friday was my first day at the needlework shop. I had SO much fun. I really like my coworkers and my boss and the perks are awesome. An added bonus is that I am not typing all day, so when I get home I actually feel like writing something, be it emails or something more creative. Which makes me happy. But I'm still going back to the bookstore next wednesday.

Grandpa Eisenberg is a big hit with Lily. He's visiting for the weekend and we've had a good time.

Tomorrow we're going to try the drive in thing with Lily. Jeremy's not excited about it, but I think it could be fun. It could also suck big time, but I'm willing to risk it, as I don't get out much.

Happy Mother's Day to me. The good news about the colic is that it might not have the caffeine that mommy was ingesting that made Lily so irritable. So I'm going to give the caffeine a try again and see what happens. Worse case scenario is we have another evening of miserable baby and hey, we have that anyway. Tonight we're going to try and go to the drive in to see the weekly bad movie double feature (this week: the road warrior and soylent green) and hope that Lily behaves. If she doesn't, we'll just sit in the car and who can she bother? I may be too optimistic about taking the baby out for stuff. I'm still having trouble making a second fireworks scarf. I just can't get the color scheme right. But as soon as I have that figured out, I'm going to start on zeeby's bag from snb. Very exciting to me. And I'm still embroidering, too. Mostly over Lily's head while she sits on my lap, but hey, it gets it done. I had my first day at nease's needlework on friday and I'm very excited about working there. I may never make any money, but it does support my yarn habit. I'm also going to try and start back at the bookstore this week, and I really mean it this time.

Alright, still no crib sleeping goodness, but enough about THAT subject for now. I took Lily with me for my most recent crafty excursion. Sunday afternoon I met Mary for some knitting at a local ice cream parlor. I didn't get much knitting done, but I'm kind of between projects anyway. My new obsession is embroidery. I'm hoping to get an embroidery supplies binge for a mother's day present. Yay! Another holiday I am now eligible for!! For embroidery, sublimestitching.com is the best! But I'm also going to do some "straight" designs for people for yet still more homemade christmas gifts. I am SO broke. The baby is having something like colic and it's horrible. She;s inexplicably miserable for a couple hours at a stretch and I don't know what's wrong or how to fix it. It's not a good feeling. But after a couple of hours, she's okay again and everything is fine. Anybody has any recommendations, I'm game. I'm going to try giving up dairy and see if that helps. I'm already limiting my caffeine intake. Maybe I need to give up caffeine altogether. (shudder) Other than this minor thing, all is well. Sort of. Also, today we found out that Jeremy didn't get accepted anywhere for graduate school, which saddened my husband a good deal. But he'll try again next year and we'll see what happens. In the mean time, we're planning to stay here, but also applying to some other jobs, just for fun. I did NOT make it to work last week like I planned, but I do start my new job at the needlework shop this friday. Yay!

Okay, first I should mention that Lily has not slept in her crib since that post. Well, we got her to sleep in her crib on her stomach and that's a big nono, so it's been back to the bed with us. Which really cuts down on that sleep deprivation that you hear about. It's just wake up, plug baby in, go back to sleep. So I am like the most well rested new mother in the history of the world. Except for maybe Catherine Zeta Jones. I'm going back to work tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about that, but it'll be good to get out and see my coworkers again. I've missed them. I got out last week and went to the meetup.com sponsored knitting event and that was fun. I learned another vital step in the knitting process (thank you Lou) and I'm well on my way to christmas presents for everybody. If you're at all interested in knitting, you abslutely MUST go out and buy Debbie Stoller's Stitch and Bitch. It's loads of fun. And if you're at all crafty minded, you MUST check out craftster.org. It's a great resource for people who like to make sumthin out of nothin. You know who you are. Well, my breasts are leaking (more about that LATER) so I better try and go feed this still beautiful baby. Thanks.

Today was my first day as a stay at home Mom and it involved a lot of breastfeeding and daytime talk shows. I haven't broken in to soaps just yet. But I suppose it's only a matter of time. Lily still hasn't learned to sleep in the crib, so it's basically on Mom or nothing, as far as naps are concerned. And I should probably mention that when she's not eating she's napping. (Except for maybe an hour or two of just alert time every day) That's question number one for the doctor in the morning. Don't worry, she's too young for immunizations so the doctor visits aren't difficult for the parents just yet. I even got a couple minutes aside to give love to our woefully neglected cats (Bert and Hero). And I did the dishes. That's literally all I did today. Jeremy (who had the good instincts to call, like, three times while he was out) was less than impressed with this, but he tried to be understanding.

So, thirteen days ago I gave birth. And since then I have lost complete track of time. And I haven;t accomplished anything beyond seeing to the baby's immediate needs. Seriously, I took a shower every other day this week and felt really good about that. Wow, this blog is too personal already. But Lily the most beautiful baby in the world is doing fine. We're trying to teach her to sleep in her crib instead of in the bed with us (which is nice, but a little scary), and right now she's alseep in her crib! This may not seem like a huge accomplishment, but it feels like one. And I am on my way to a well deserved (and much needed) shower. But my hopes for this blog is that it will eventually become something more directed and I can discuss motherhood, marriage and crafting. Things that I'm learning about. And things you might like to hear about. We'll see what happens.